Before I get into what is most likely uninteresting to the bulk of people who stumble on this webzine, I’d like to mention that DECIMUS has released a free-for-download LP-length trip into atomization at Mutant Sounds HERE. I haven’t had a chance to absorb and be absorbed by it yet, but if it’s true to form I’m sure I’ll merge with the garage walls, something that’s entirely preferable for me to the sick sight of stripped mauled Americunt 2013. Life’s a gas. I really got off on Decimus when I first heard it because, well, it reminded me of stuff I did earlier last decade ‘cept to say that I like what Pat is doing better than most of the stuff I did at that time, though occasionally I feel like I should have sent some of that stuff out to be heard, though I doubt it would have garnered much attention because, as much as we in the so-called underground hate to admit it, we often mirror the shitty parts of society, the parts that dictate that it isn’t what you know, it’s who you know and so on. That’s for another time. I probably would have pressed it all up myself (in addition to the few things I did that were more accessible and just as ignored) along with Simon Wickham-Smith’s RAPT CD but I’ve lived in poverty for my entire adult life and unfortunately don’t have access to the kind of scratch (disposable) it takes to really indulge in vanity projects. I’m a big fan of vanity pressings for sure. I’m not against them. I’d love to be able to put together my own, but it’s always been a problem concerning money.
I’ve been working on a short piece about Pat’s LP with his pals under the moniker LES CONVERSIONS on and off for about a month or so now. Whether or not I’ll finish that remains to be seen, remains being the operative word here. Basically it’s about the LP considered from the point of view of a piece of garbage on a post-apocalyptic gutter odyssey on its way back home to the sea.
If I don’t get around to finishing that short piece, suffice it to say that it’s in keeping with Murano’s blitz of sun-gaze brain melt that we’ve all come to expect over the last year or so and you should go ahead and get a copy. I would love to finish it but…
I’m just going to come out and say it: I’ve been depressed lately. Severely. It’s an accumulation of events that have slowed me. I look back over the last few months – well, let’s call it six months – and see my enthusiasm -as signified by Decayke – as a means for staying engaged. I’ve suffered clinical depression for over two decades now. It’s caused quite a bit of trouble. As a result of I’ve faded into and out of gradations of alienation. If there’s any one thing that defines my life it’s the degrees of alienation of I’ve felt since adolescence. Now that I’ve reached my mid-40’s it’s easier for me to see the cycles I go through. It doesn’t mitigate the embarrassment I often feel either as a result of perceived overreaching to make contact (desperation) or evaporating off of the radar entirely (extreme alienation, worthlessness). It’s the latter that really feels truer to me most often, though the word truth means very little. I have no idea what that word means and any time I’ve ever feigned knowledge’ regarding truth or Truth it’s most likely some sort of metaphysical conceit. Clinical depression is a savage maw. That I’ve made it this far stuns me. Frankly, I never thought I’d be here by this point.
As if there were anyone out there actually paying attention, I’ll go ahead and write briefly about recent events that have kept me otherwise occupied and away from lateral moves here at Decayke. The first, probably most important, is that I had an emergency appendectomy a few weeks ago. What can I say other than it’s been the highlight of 2013 for me. Nothing makes you feel quite so alive as emergency surgery. I’m serious. Then there’s the post-op period where you’re pretty much drugged to your soupy gills. These days they let you have your laptop in hospitals. That led to impromptu sampling of all types of hospital equipment, including but not limited to IV drug pumps. Hopefully, if I bother creating anything in the future for this wretched-shit excreting globe we all temporarily dwell upon, I’ll use some of those crude thrums and clicks. I can hardly see why I’d bother, though. It largely depends on how far I can wind back into my undulating sulci and gyri and fade reality to black. Reality? Fuck reality.
The second is economic issues, which began to take over around the end of September last year. Since then all has been a decidedly unpoetical downward spiral. Not to be redundant (though it’s wholly apropos), this world does beg the question as to whether anyone really ever bothers doing anything at all. I’ve often thought the most moral thing a person can do is to quietly retreat until total evaporation occurs. Don’t expect a pretty sentence here about disappearing into something finer than mist. It’s not coming.
The third is hardly worth mentioning. It’s about pest control, and you know, in fact, I’ll not give it any airtime here, GG.
As for the upcoming issue. I’ll just say that it’s a lot of work for one guy whose health is steadily declining and whose meager savings has been raped by medical expenses. I can only tell you that I’m doing what can and things will be posted when they’re posted. The Yek Koo interview kicks ass. The Mike Rep interview is equally good and explores some different territory from the majority of interviews that have been done heretofore. I’ve curated some extremely fucked up and absurdly humorous photography by Nuuj of Pengo and Tuurd infamy, too. Unfortunately, the Evil Moisture interview really hasn’t ever taken off but Bolus and myself seem to have an almost Zen-like understanding that if it ever gets done it will be done and if it doesn’t it won’t. I will say that he’s moved on from using raw meat as part of his setup to something else. I’m not sure what that is but I’m sure it’s good. Unlike a great majority of noise dweebs out there he has a great sense of humor and it’s just that which has kept me interested in his work for around two decades. He’s great at what he does and he makes me laugh. And finally I’m hoping Fred Rinne is going to do some artwork as well. You may know Fred from the The Bring Dowwnz and other S.F. weirdness, including his contributions to the sadly defunct Bananafish. But it’s all just sort of meandering around. I don’t have the guts to put deadlines on the people who have offered to help me. I figure if it’s gonna get done, it will.
So there it is. The best laid plans. Sometimes I’m really into this and work very hard at it, work diligently to bring a fresh perspective that isn’t too fucking self-important but still hopefully offers a fresh slant and plenty of context. But man…when, where, how…who knows. If it goes up soon, I’ll tweet it and let folks know via the Facebook page. Fucking Christ, I wish I had faith.